The Weight

1 Corinthians 12:9-10

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There is a number on the scale that has been taunting me for some time now.  Since the end of November the closest I have come to this number is 1.5 pounds above it.  Throughout December I bounced between 1.5 pounds and 4 pounds about the number.  I haven't been able to get past this one darn number.

You see, it's the number I weighed on this day:

Most women who gain weight after their weddings think of that "wedding day weight" as a major goal.  For me, it was that but it is also a major milestone.  I gained a few pounds after we got married, but most of this extra weight was gained throughout Isaac's declining health and after his death.

And as of this morning, I FINALLY broke that number.  I've lost the 25 pounds of "widow weight".  

Mostly, I feel completely and utterly THRILLED with this!  I am so proud and I feel so strong.  But, there's this little piece of me that has struggled to get past this number because in some way, I feel like holding on to that extra weight was a way of holding on to Isaac.  I know in reality that Isaac would be SO PROUD of me for doing this.  He would be cheering me on every pound lost and every time I up my weights at the gym and he might have even choked down a green monster for me.  Okay, that last part might be pushing it.  

Along with the physical weight I have lost, there has been a huge change in the "emotional" weight I've been carrying.  I can't begin to explain how GOOD I feel.  I have more energy, I sleep better, I am more confident, I am in a better mood (usually).  This comes from not just the physical work I've been doing, but the spiritual work as well.  I work hard at staying in God's Word regularly, at praying more consistently, at praising more frequently.  

I can't remember a time in recent memory that I have felt this much peace, joy, and contentment.  I thank God for giving me the strength to keep working at this.  I thank Him for blessing me with 8 months of marriage to someone as amazing as Isaac, who showed me what it really means to have God's strength in even our weakest times.  

Progress photos coming on Friday! :-)

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