Monday, February 25, 2013

3 years and 3 miles

3 years past "the day".  3 years of marking a day that will never leave my heart or my mind.  3 years of grief, recovery, and redemption. 3 years since I last saw Isaac's face on earth.

Now that I've become a runner, I think that I have the perfect analogy for these years.  For me, these 3 years since Isaac died have been like the first 3 miles in a long run.  They're the toughest miles to get through, but once you get through them - you know you can keep going.

Like that first mile, the first year after Isaac died was a test of my own strength.  I started out much like  I start out a new run - with a strange sort of energy.  In the first few months after Isaac died, there were constant check ins by friends, texts, messages, cards, gifts, etc.  Like the first half mile of a run, I felt mildly "prepared" for the first few months after Isaac died.  It wasn't until about 6 months after that it really all hit me.  And that's how it is with a run.  About 1/2 mile into it, it's as if my legs realize what is happening and start to object.  This happened in my mind.  6 months in, though I knew I was strong enough to keep going, I also fought with just not wanting to.

Year 2 was tough.  Year 2 is the year of "so this is my life now".  And mile 2 is the mile of "ok I guess we really ARE running today".  I spend most of mile 2 in a run talking myself into just putting one foot in front of the other.  That's how year 2 went - just keep going.  Keep stepping.

The third year is like that 3rd mile.  Somewhere along the way between the time when RunKeeper announces "Distance: 2.00 miles" and "Distance: 3.00 miles", my legs get into a rhythm.  Somewhere in there I find my cadence and I realize that not only "can" I keep running, but I actually WANT to keep running.

That's what year 3 was like.  I feel like I really, truly turned the corner of grief.  Of course there are still days when I cry or I miss him.  There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought of him.  But now, at the start of year 4, I know I can keep going.  I know Isaac would be proud of how strong I've become, both physically and mentally.  I know I can keep running.


1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful post of endurance! God bless you down your pathway in life.